Sunday, July 01, 2007

You say, I only hear what I want to

Cause I missed you. Yeah. I missed you.

Oh, Lisa Loeb, how you make me feel even more alone. I think the thing about her music is that it's just so fitting for any life stage. You can hear this song (Stay - I missed you) and apply it to so many things in life. Right now, I just so happen to be feeling lonely.

I hate feeling like this. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I'm away from home. Away from my family. Away from my friends. And I'm horny. I need a man.

The thing about where I am right now is that all the friends I hang out with are totally laid back people. That's really cool, most of the time. I like hanging out at people's houses and playing poker or watching baseball. But they also need to understand that I'm a single woman and need to go out sometimes. Go out and party. We went out to the bar the other night, but we just sat there in our little group talking. We weren't in the main room, so we were disconnected from the main hotties and being in a group always makes approaching women (and men) tough.

I have no idea how I'm going to get this on the right track. There are a couple guys at work who are my age and single, but I honestly don't know if I'd date them. I'd probably like to have sex with one or two of them, but I don't know if I'd date them. One of them seems to be really cool, but I havent' had the chance to talk with him much ... we'll see.

Back to being lonely (I know this post is going to be all over the place). I'm not just talking "man lonely" here. I'm talking about all-around lonely. It's just been today, though. Well, today and maybe one other day about a week ago.

It's just been one of those days when every song that comes on my iPod seems to make me feel more lonely. Every movie on TV is about someone finding true love. Every person at the laundromat is married with the cutest kids. Every friend I call is too busy to talk.

Generally, I'm not lonely. I'm developing some good friends here, and I generally have something to do every night of the week. I'm really working on losing some weight. I just went to the store and bought allllll sorts of healthy stuff (minus the oreos) and I'm really working on taking care of myself. Yesterday I went to Bath and Body Works and bought $85 dollars worth (which actually was going to be more - probably around $135 - but it was their semi-annual sale) of their Spa stuff - most of which was for the feet. But, I really am trying to take care of myself.

I really don't feel lonely everyday. But there are just somedays that I feel I need someone here just to sit with me and hold me and watch those sappy movies with. Why can't I have that? Why does jesus hate me sometimes?

Labels: , , , , , , , , , ,

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Scared. Like, really scared.

So, with my impending graduation and acceptance of a new job in a new state, I've kind of been freaking out.

It didn’t really hit me until I looked at my graduation cap the other day. I got through purchasing the cap and gown, I got through trying it on, I got through ordering my announcements and I got through the job interview, offer and acceptance without missing a beat.

It was difficult, however, when I was cleaning my room and took my cap out of the bag.

I started thinking about how real this is. I’m going to be a REAL adult. I’m going to have a REAL job, have a REAL apartment, and REALLY be out on my own.

This place I live, won’t be a place where I have to pick up and leave within a year, like my dorms and my parent’s houses. I’ll actually be able to put things on the walls, put the plates in the cabinet I want and choose the place I want to live.

It’s so weird and I’m really freaking out.

It’s real. And not kinda real. But real real. I’m really leaving my family and friends – probably for good. And I’m really going to be out on my own. Like, my OWN own.

I’m scared.

Labels: , , , , ,