Sunday, July 01, 2007

You say, I only hear what I want to

Cause I missed you. Yeah. I missed you.

Oh, Lisa Loeb, how you make me feel even more alone. I think the thing about her music is that it's just so fitting for any life stage. You can hear this song (Stay - I missed you) and apply it to so many things in life. Right now, I just so happen to be feeling lonely.

I hate feeling like this. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I'm away from home. Away from my family. Away from my friends. And I'm horny. I need a man.

The thing about where I am right now is that all the friends I hang out with are totally laid back people. That's really cool, most of the time. I like hanging out at people's houses and playing poker or watching baseball. But they also need to understand that I'm a single woman and need to go out sometimes. Go out and party. We went out to the bar the other night, but we just sat there in our little group talking. We weren't in the main room, so we were disconnected from the main hotties and being in a group always makes approaching women (and men) tough.

I have no idea how I'm going to get this on the right track. There are a couple guys at work who are my age and single, but I honestly don't know if I'd date them. I'd probably like to have sex with one or two of them, but I don't know if I'd date them. One of them seems to be really cool, but I havent' had the chance to talk with him much ... we'll see.

Back to being lonely (I know this post is going to be all over the place). I'm not just talking "man lonely" here. I'm talking about all-around lonely. It's just been today, though. Well, today and maybe one other day about a week ago.

It's just been one of those days when every song that comes on my iPod seems to make me feel more lonely. Every movie on TV is about someone finding true love. Every person at the laundromat is married with the cutest kids. Every friend I call is too busy to talk.

Generally, I'm not lonely. I'm developing some good friends here, and I generally have something to do every night of the week. I'm really working on losing some weight. I just went to the store and bought allllll sorts of healthy stuff (minus the oreos) and I'm really working on taking care of myself. Yesterday I went to Bath and Body Works and bought $85 dollars worth (which actually was going to be more - probably around $135 - but it was their semi-annual sale) of their Spa stuff - most of which was for the feet. But, I really am trying to take care of myself.

I really don't feel lonely everyday. But there are just somedays that I feel I need someone here just to sit with me and hold me and watch those sappy movies with. Why can't I have that? Why does jesus hate me sometimes?

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Wednesday, June 06, 2007

Adult-ish beginnings

First of all let me just say this is the most annoyingly stupid cast of Wheel of Fortune players I have EVER seen.

Sorry, that was just bugging the holy beejesus out of me.

So here I am. Relaxing. After a long day of work. Sipping a glass of red wine. Eating my healthy chicken dinner on the couch. Watching the Wheel. Feeling like an adult(ish).

I just remember what couldn't be more than three months ago. Me wishing and hoping and praying for a "big girl job." Waiting for the day I can move out of my parent's basement and make a home and a name for myself in a place where no one knows my name (permission granted to humm "Boston" - if you know what I'm talking about here, I applaud you).

Now. My dreams, well, almost all of them, have been realized.

I am on my own. Dealing with a landlord I can't stand. Putting things like steak knives and Lawry's seasoning salt on my shopping list. Needing to go to the bank to open a checking account so I can pay bills. Putting Mylar numbers on my mailbox. Stopping at the liquor store after work to get wine (and not getting carded by the way).

I also remember a time not too long ago when I looked at some of my favorite bloggers and thought to myself, "I'd like a life like them. To be able to sip wine while watching whatever you want on TV after getting in from a date your mother doesn't have to know about while blogging on your bed. That sounds like the life for me."

It's now that I realize I am like that. And it's just as glamorous as previously expected. Well, maybe not COMPLETELY as glamorous as expected ... but close.

I feel like such an adult. I called Long Time Friend back in Michigan just to talk about this. She concurred that we are growing up and it's scary as hell ... but also damn exciting.

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Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Scared. Like, really scared.

So, with my impending graduation and acceptance of a new job in a new state, I've kind of been freaking out.

It didn’t really hit me until I looked at my graduation cap the other day. I got through purchasing the cap and gown, I got through trying it on, I got through ordering my announcements and I got through the job interview, offer and acceptance without missing a beat.

It was difficult, however, when I was cleaning my room and took my cap out of the bag.

I started thinking about how real this is. I’m going to be a REAL adult. I’m going to have a REAL job, have a REAL apartment, and REALLY be out on my own.

This place I live, won’t be a place where I have to pick up and leave within a year, like my dorms and my parent’s houses. I’ll actually be able to put things on the walls, put the plates in the cabinet I want and choose the place I want to live.

It’s so weird and I’m really freaking out.

It’s real. And not kinda real. But real real. I’m really leaving my family and friends – probably for good. And I’m really going to be out on my own. Like, my OWN own.

I’m scared.

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I know, I know

I know it's been a really long time between posts, and I'm very sorry about that.

However, there has been a lot going on in my life - hence: my excuse.

I started my job at Weekly News just over a month ago. I like it, kind of. It's community journalism and it's a weekly newspaper, but as far as those go, I guess it's good. I can pretty much do whatever I want and work as much or as little as I want. So whatever.

The BIG NEWS, however, is my new job ... in NEW YORK.

Don't get too excited, it's not in NYC, it's in upstate NY. We'll call it Daily News.

I'm REALLY exicted about this job. I went a few weeks ago for the interview and LOVED it. I loved the area, I loved the people, I loved the job!

It's been kind of a whirlwind since then with the offer then the acceptance and now trying to find an apartment. That has been the real trouble. The housing market there is HORRIBLE with all of the GI's living in town (it's near a base WOO HOO).

I'll be going there next weekend to look at apartments. So I'm really excited. Also scared. But more about that later.

So for now, there's the update. I'm sorry I haven't written in ages! i plan to fix that ASAP!!!

Love Ya's!

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