Sunday, July 01, 2007

You say, I only hear what I want to

Cause I missed you. Yeah. I missed you.

Oh, Lisa Loeb, how you make me feel even more alone. I think the thing about her music is that it's just so fitting for any life stage. You can hear this song (Stay - I missed you) and apply it to so many things in life. Right now, I just so happen to be feeling lonely.

I hate feeling like this. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I'm away from home. Away from my family. Away from my friends. And I'm horny. I need a man.

The thing about where I am right now is that all the friends I hang out with are totally laid back people. That's really cool, most of the time. I like hanging out at people's houses and playing poker or watching baseball. But they also need to understand that I'm a single woman and need to go out sometimes. Go out and party. We went out to the bar the other night, but we just sat there in our little group talking. We weren't in the main room, so we were disconnected from the main hotties and being in a group always makes approaching women (and men) tough.

I have no idea how I'm going to get this on the right track. There are a couple guys at work who are my age and single, but I honestly don't know if I'd date them. I'd probably like to have sex with one or two of them, but I don't know if I'd date them. One of them seems to be really cool, but I havent' had the chance to talk with him much ... we'll see.

Back to being lonely (I know this post is going to be all over the place). I'm not just talking "man lonely" here. I'm talking about all-around lonely. It's just been today, though. Well, today and maybe one other day about a week ago.

It's just been one of those days when every song that comes on my iPod seems to make me feel more lonely. Every movie on TV is about someone finding true love. Every person at the laundromat is married with the cutest kids. Every friend I call is too busy to talk.

Generally, I'm not lonely. I'm developing some good friends here, and I generally have something to do every night of the week. I'm really working on losing some weight. I just went to the store and bought allllll sorts of healthy stuff (minus the oreos) and I'm really working on taking care of myself. Yesterday I went to Bath and Body Works and bought $85 dollars worth (which actually was going to be more - probably around $135 - but it was their semi-annual sale) of their Spa stuff - most of which was for the feet. But, I really am trying to take care of myself.

I really don't feel lonely everyday. But there are just somedays that I feel I need someone here just to sit with me and hold me and watch those sappy movies with. Why can't I have that? Why does jesus hate me sometimes?

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Monday, February 12, 2007

I usually start a post off with a title. Today, I can't think of one.

I have so many emotions going through my mind and so many things to update about. But, my predictament is that I hate being one of those bloggers who simply updates about their lives.

Part of my life is revolving around stress. I get up, I work hard and I go to bed. Then I get up the next day and start it all over again. My problem is that I'm working TOO hard. I'm doing all that I can every day to get the work that needs to get done, done, and to make the people to need to be happy, happy. Except for me.

Although, I seem to be really happy right now. I don't know why. Maybe it's a false sense of happiness created by the lack of downtime and the perception that I'm loved because people are demanding so much of me.

How fucked up is that?

Either way - I do know this: I'm stressed out, but I'm happy - I think.

I have a job interview at another weekly newspaper Wednesday. Things didn't work out at the first weekly because the publisher didn't like the fact that I have a tuesday morning class when tuesday is their busiest days and there are only two people to put the whole paper together. But the publisher suggested I go to one of their sister weeklies because they have a bigger staff and it would be easier for me to get there a little later in the day.

I've made the decision that I will take the job if they offer it to me - and I'm really happy with that decision. I'm just waiting to see what happens Wednesday. I'll keep you posted.

In other news, men are just making me bitter lately. They're constantly letting me down (especially Mr. Inviting), and constantly being jerk-offs.

No valentine for me - HOORAY. I think I'm too bitter right now to truely embrace the meaning of having a valentine, anyway.

More later - I need sleep right now.

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Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Online dating update

So we all know I've recently renewed my subscription to Match.com. During my first three-month stink on Match, I had e-mails every day, winks coming out of my ears and many interesting bachelors awaiting my response to their often awkwardly-worded e-mails.

However, this time around, I've only had a few e-mails a handful of winks and a few interesting bachelors. Maybe this is a time when relationships are running rampant, being just before Valentines Day. Or maybe it's just me. Either way, I don't know.

What I do know, is that I've met someone very promising. He is a nursing grad student at the same school at which I attend, although he doesn't regularly attend courses here because he does most of his work at the hospital. He's funning, and charming, attentive and, did I say, charming?

He can hold my attention and he remembers everything I tell him. He asks questions about details of my life and myself because he's genuinely interested - not because he's a crazy stalker type.

He's adventurous and caring, and I really want to meet him.

Out of everyone I have met online, he's the only one I really have wanted to meet. There have been others from Match or from Myspace (during my brief time on the site), but none of them have had me wanting to meet them more than this fellow.

We've talked almost everyday since last Wednesday and have come close to meeting once - he wanted to meet me at the bar that I was going to be with with my friends, but he had to study.

Anyway, I just thought I would update this. I like him - a lot I think - so I just wanted to share.

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Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Jesus Hates Me

I had the worst New Year's ever.

Seriously? Seriously.

If you know where that little diddy is from, you can probably guess who I spent my New Years with. A few people by the names of Meredith, Izzy, George, Christina, Derek, Alex, Addison, etc.

Yes, I spent the last three days sitting on my ass in front of the TV watching Season Two of Grey's Anatomy. I rented 4 out of 5 of the disks from Blockbuster and sat on my ass doing NOTHING.

I'm so miserable and pathetic. I've never been the kind of person to just sit around for THREE WHOLE DAYS to watch TV and not move off the couch. I feel so useless.

On top of that, I cancelled my plans with my High School friend so that I could stay home with my sister so that she wouldn't be alone. My step-dad got my mom a trip to Las Vegas for a New Year's party at their fave country bar and my sister would have had to stay home alone.

Well, my sister and I got into a fight on New Years Eve Eve (the night before New Years Eve) and she jetted to my dad's house. Therefore, I spent New Year's Eve alone. Watching Grey's Anatomy.

AND...oh and I haven't even gotten to the good part ... Jesus hates me. I went to return the first two disks of the season and to rent the next two and on my way home, Jesus decided to punish me.

I have an iPod that I listen to religiously. It's always on shuffle. For THREE STRAIGHT SONGS, Jesus decided to punish me and made me more miserable than I already felt.

There are three songs that remind me of my Ex. Three and only three. On my way home, for some reason, Jesus decided to let my iPod play these three songs. There were no songs in between them -- just these three songs -- sent from iPod shuffle hell to make me more miserable and pathetic.

On top of that...he didn't call. He always calls on New Year's. Out of all the year's we've been "together" and all the stuff we've went through, we've spent every holiday together except for the "Holiday" - i.e. Christmas and New Years. On Christmas, to feel like we're closer, we've always gone to see the same movie (it's my family tradition to go see a movie on Christmas) and on New Year's he's always called me or texted me on midnight.

He didn't call me this year.

It's really over.

Seriously? Seriously.



Here are the lyrics of one of the songs that played. It's the one that I felt the most connection to when we "officially" broke up a couple months ago. It's called "Better than me" by Hinder. Hinder is one of his favorite bands.


I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes I found those pictures i took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

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