Hypnotic on my Heart

Cause I missed you. Yeah. I missed you.

Oh, Lisa Loeb, how you make me feel even more alone. I think the thing about her music is that it's just so fitting for any life stage. You can hear this song (Stay - I missed you) and apply it to so many things in life. Right now, I just so happen to be feeling lonely.

I hate feeling like this. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I'm away from home. Away from my family. Away from my friends. And I'm horny. I need a man.

The thing about where I am right now is that all the friends I hang out with are totally laid back people. That's really cool, most of the time. I like hanging out at people's houses and playing poker or watching baseball. But they also need to understand that I'm a single woman and need to go out sometimes. Go out and party. We went out to the bar the other night, but we just sat there in our little group talking. We weren't in the main room, so we were disconnected from the main hotties and being in a group always makes approaching women (and men) tough.

I have no idea how I'm going to get this on the right track. There are a couple guys at work who are my age and single, but I honestly don't know if I'd date them. I'd probably like to have sex with one or two of them, but I don't know if I'd date them. One of them seems to be really cool, but I havent' had the chance to talk with him much ... we'll see.

Back to being lonely (I know this post is going to be all over the place). I'm not just talking "man lonely" here. I'm talking about all-around lonely. It's just been today, though. Well, today and maybe one other day about a week ago.

It's just been one of those days when every song that comes on my iPod seems to make me feel more lonely. Every movie on TV is about someone finding true love. Every person at the laundromat is married with the cutest kids. Every friend I call is too busy to talk.

Generally, I'm not lonely. I'm developing some good friends here, and I generally have something to do every night of the week. I'm really working on losing some weight. I just went to the store and bought allllll sorts of healthy stuff (minus the oreos) and I'm really working on taking care of myself. Yesterday I went to Bath and Body Works and bought $85 dollars worth (which actually was going to be more - probably around $135 - but it was their semi-annual sale) of their Spa stuff - most of which was for the feet. But, I really am trying to take care of myself.

I really don't feel lonely everyday. But there are just somedays that I feel I need someone here just to sit with me and hold me and watch those sappy movies with. Why can't I have that? Why does jesus hate me sometimes?

Labels: age, boys, freaking out, fun, horny, lonely, love, mice, on my own, relationships, sex

Posted by K. Lianne at 5:15 PM | Permalink | Comments

I was at the bar the other night and ordered a "Sex and the city" martini. I started thinking about the show and about my life.

I just recently started watching the show. I had heard from my friends that it was great and I just had to see it. Recently, every time I'd sit down to watch TV for a bit before bed, it just happend to be on TBS. So I started watching the show, and now I'm DVR'ing them so I can watch it in my spare time. I like the show; it's very entertaining.

But I often find myself thinking that my life is NOTHING like the show. I'm a young, fairly attractive, single, 20-something. Is my life supposed to be like that? Am I supposed to be entertaining a gentleman every night? Am I supposed to be going out to bars night in and night out like a desperate woman looking for a man?

Maybe that's my problem. I don't go out that often - I try to make it once every (or every other) week. But is that enough? Would that get me laid more often? Would that find me a suitable man to settle down with? Maybe.

But should it be like that? I don't know. Maybe it's just me but I think that looks desperate - which I'm not. I'm cool with being single. Obviously I'd like to share my life with someone, but it's not a requisite in my life.

Maybe I should try going out 3-5 times per week to see if that'll make my life complete.

Labels: bars, boys, relationships, sex

Posted by K. Lianne at 5:45 PM | Permalink | Comments

I was just looking at my live journal entries from the past (I haven't updated in ions, but I like to go through old entries) and this is what I found:

Seducing a Gemini Women: Gemini women are brilliant, sporty, well-informed, dynamic and pleasant. If you are able to propose to her always something new, you are her ideal man. Since she is free and independent, usually marriage is not the main aim of her life.

HaHa. It's so true. That's me to a T. Or is it "tee." I really have no idea what the expression is or where it comes from...but that's neither here nor there. The passage is exactly like me. There. Over.


This blog post is to make fun of my drunken self.

I recently went out with a friend from high school that I still see occasionally. We offered my little sister $20 to come and pick our drunk asses up after we were done at the bar. She took the offer, so we proceeded to get smashed.

Now, I normally don't get this drunk. I like to get buzzed enough to slightly impair my judgement, but still keep my class and charm.

That didn't happen on this night. I got WASTED. Now, I'm not an annoying or loud or messy drunk. I'm a horny drunk.

So, that led me to hit on the 40-something-year-old drummer of the band and talk about his penis and my vagina. It was fun.

On top of that, me and High School Friend decided to nickname every guy we came in contact with, with a "Mc" then a descriptive factor.

It was H-I-L-A-R-O-U-S.

We came up with McD (for the guy with the olde English D on his hat - my personal favorite because he was obviously a Tiger's fan), McBlue (with the blue shirt), McStriped (striped shirt), McHottie, McGeorgous, McOldie, etc.

Even though I did make a slight fool of myself at the bar that night, it was an overall good time. It was the last night of my freedom - I started school and the newspaper on Monday - and I answered the call for one last drunken, horny drunk.



Oh -- and just so you guys know what a dork I am - even drunk, I'm a journalist. After we left the bar, we stumbled across the parking lot to the 24-hour Ram's Horn diner. On the way in, I had to stop at the row of 6 or 7 newspaper stands to read each and every headline in the entire row in the FREEZING cold. Yeah, I'm a dorky journalist, but I love it!

Labels: boys, drinking, fun, grey's anatomy, horny, sex

Posted by K. Lianne at 3:47 PM | Permalink | Comments

I had the worst New Year's ever.

Seriously? Seriously.

If you know where that little diddy is from, you can probably guess who I spent my New Years with. A few people by the names of Meredith, Izzy, George, Christina, Derek, Alex, Addison, etc.

Yes, I spent the last three days sitting on my ass in front of the TV watching Season Two of Grey's Anatomy. I rented 4 out of 5 of the disks from Blockbuster and sat on my ass doing NOTHING.

I'm so miserable and pathetic. I've never been the kind of person to just sit around for THREE WHOLE DAYS to watch TV and not move off the couch. I feel so useless.

On top of that, I cancelled my plans with my High School friend so that I could stay home with my sister so that she wouldn't be alone. My step-dad got my mom a trip to Las Vegas for a New Year's party at their fave country bar and my sister would have had to stay home alone.

Well, my sister and I got into a fight on New Years Eve Eve (the night before New Years Eve) and she jetted to my dad's house. Therefore, I spent New Year's Eve alone. Watching Grey's Anatomy.

AND...oh and I haven't even gotten to the good part ... Jesus hates me. I went to return the first two disks of the season and to rent the next two and on my way home, Jesus decided to punish me.

I have an iPod that I listen to religiously. It's always on shuffle. For THREE STRAIGHT SONGS, Jesus decided to punish me and made me more miserable than I already felt.

There are three songs that remind me of my Ex. Three and only three. On my way home, for some reason, Jesus decided to let my iPod play these three songs. There were no songs in between them -- just these three songs -- sent from iPod shuffle hell to make me more miserable and pathetic.

On top of that...he didn't call. He always calls on New Year's. Out of all the year's we've been "together" and all the stuff we've went through, we've spent every holiday together except for the "Holiday" - i.e. Christmas and New Years. On Christmas, to feel like we're closer, we've always gone to see the same movie (it's my family tradition to go see a movie on Christmas) and on New Year's he's always called me or texted me on midnight.

He didn't call me this year.

It's really over.

Seriously? Seriously.



Here are the lyrics of one of the songs that played. It's the one that I felt the most connection to when we "officially" broke up a couple months ago. It's called "Better than me" by Hinder. Hinder is one of his favorite bands.

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered What it feels like beside you

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes I found those pictures i took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room

I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end

I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

Labels: boredom, boys, love, New Years, uslessness

Posted by K. Lianne at 11:12 AM | Permalink | Comments