Is this wrong...
There was once this boy I was seeing that made me feel like a princess. He made me smile, asked how my day was (and was genuinely interested), wanted to give me the world, and would basically spend the rest of his life with me if I would allow it.
The problem is, I wouldn't allow it. I was very apprehensive to get into a relationship and, to tell you the truth, all of his flatteries scared me away. He wasn't overly flattering, but more than most of the guys I have dated. It really scared me.
So when I started my internships this summer and started becoming busier and busier, I took the opportunity to push him away. This is typical me. I do this all too often. But I can never figure out if it's just be being scared or my woman's instinct telling me that this guy isn't for me so get rid of him.
I was going through some old text messages the other day and realized how much I miss getting his texts. Some of them were really sappy and some of them were just, "I miss you babe."
And then I remembered how much each of those made me smile. Every time I got a message I would grin from ear to ear. Text messages or emails from most guys don't ordinarily make me smile like that. Even if I'm dating the guy, I never smile like I did when I was seeing this guy.
So...back to the present. I was looking though some old text messages the other day and was missing him and thinking of how things may be if I wouldn't have pushed him away. I quickly pushed the thought from my mind because I hate thinking about what might have been, because - quite frankly - there's no use.
Today I came into work, logged into instant messenger and less than 5 minutes later, I get a "hey u" IM.
My heart skipped. My stomach came into my throat, and I said, "Hey! How have you been?"
We continued to chat for a while when I realized just how much I've really missed him.
So I told him. I said, "I was looking through my phone at some of our old text messages and realized that I've missed you."
He said he missed me too.
So now we're "talking" again.
My question to all of you is...am I wrong for doing this?
Is this just me missing the attention and someone adoring me? Or is this person really not for me. Is there a reason I pushed him away? Or was it just me being afraid and not read to commit? Do you think this will harm me rather than help me? Am I right in getting his hopes up again if I'm not sure if I even like him - or just like the thought of him?
I'm perplexed.
The problem is, I wouldn't allow it. I was very apprehensive to get into a relationship and, to tell you the truth, all of his flatteries scared me away. He wasn't overly flattering, but more than most of the guys I have dated. It really scared me.
So when I started my internships this summer and started becoming busier and busier, I took the opportunity to push him away. This is typical me. I do this all too often. But I can never figure out if it's just be being scared or my woman's instinct telling me that this guy isn't for me so get rid of him.
I was going through some old text messages the other day and realized how much I miss getting his texts. Some of them were really sappy and some of them were just, "I miss you babe."
And then I remembered how much each of those made me smile. Every time I got a message I would grin from ear to ear. Text messages or emails from most guys don't ordinarily make me smile like that. Even if I'm dating the guy, I never smile like I did when I was seeing this guy.
So...back to the present. I was looking though some old text messages the other day and was missing him and thinking of how things may be if I wouldn't have pushed him away. I quickly pushed the thought from my mind because I hate thinking about what might have been, because - quite frankly - there's no use.
Today I came into work, logged into instant messenger and less than 5 minutes later, I get a "hey u" IM.
My heart skipped. My stomach came into my throat, and I said, "Hey! How have you been?"
We continued to chat for a while when I realized just how much I've really missed him.
So I told him. I said, "I was looking through my phone at some of our old text messages and realized that I've missed you."
He said he missed me too.
So now we're "talking" again.
My question to all of you is...am I wrong for doing this?
Is this just me missing the attention and someone adoring me? Or is this person really not for me. Is there a reason I pushed him away? Or was it just me being afraid and not read to commit? Do you think this will harm me rather than help me? Am I right in getting his hopes up again if I'm not sure if I even like him - or just like the thought of him?
I'm perplexed.
Post a Comment